It is a horrible feeling!! Children or not, we usually have some people or pets or planet and trees we care for. I want to walk in peaceful gratitude, I need therapy. Back to mindfulness therapy when I have money - that was most useful to me.

I'm on the fence about the seroquel, scared for many reasons. My son tried to o/d on it, that wasn't pretty. I'm already so blah can barely get things done, but my mind doesn't stop. If I can't wake up in the morning, there's no backup help to get my son to school - and then they take it out on him like he's a bad student with bad attendance. And then if I can't wake up, I can't work, and so much going on with work right now - has been for a long time. I don't even know what it would be like to have a vacation and not answer work calls & emails for a week - but I think it would be a good thing for me. But not yet. So not sure about the seroquel yet... I want to be sure.

You know what else I hate? Yelling at my head to shut up and it doesn't listen. And I can't even tell what's bp or if there's borderline going on (like you mentioned in other post - I'll respond) or if it's gotten worse over the years. it's been a whirlwind.

Ok so think of a positive - I have 3, my kids. They all spent time with me on mother's day. They were high on pot the older 2 , but they're loving beautiful people and give me hugs. They'll find their path, maybe not the college path i wanted for them, but somehow will work out. My older is clean off meth for 5 months! And my youngest, he's my sunshine boy. god i hope he doesn't get any bp, depression, alcoholism, he's predisposed to... but I can see with him how my therapy and reading recommended books helped so much. I love them so much.

and the animals are cool. my lab follows me everywhere even if I'm yelling at myself. And he lays down near me. That type of unconditional love is the most beautiful thing in the world.