I'm not quite sure what is going on, but it's different than before... I used to dissociate but still have some connection to the chaos inside and some measure of control over it. Lately, I know things are crashing in the background, but I have no connection to it and no control over it. I emailed my T about it, and will be talking to him again later this week, but I am desperately trying to make sense of it in my head before then.
I have a history of severe dissociation that lead to a suicide attempt, but it doesn't feel the same this time. All the specifics of the planning are just out of my awareness. I know it's going on, but I don't know what it is. I get flashes of the thoughts, but nothing solid that I can refute or work against. It's scary. I don't want to end up in the cycle of hospitalizations again. I want my future to be different than my past, only I'm not sure how to go about it... has anyone felt like this? I know most here are diagnosed DID, but anyone who is just dx with a "simple" dissociative disorder; has this ever happened? how did you handle it? :/