J.BUG,
I too am struggling with these decisions that you struggle with; you're in good company here. As far as suggestions: for me, I have to make the decision that I WILL survive and have to find a reason (even if it's only one) to look forward to tomorrow. For me, I think part of it is to prove that I CAN make it.
Sometimes it's a decision that I have to make daily, sometimes even more often than that.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Hope 4 Hope,
Jon