Wow this is totally me,I'm always cancelling sessions and then asking my T to come in or come back. Tell my T I love coming in some days and other days I dread being anywhere near.

I think the fact that whatever each of us individually were lacking in the past,we somehow have this expectation that our T is there to fix it and to fill that void for us. I've told my T "this seems too good to be true" then I run.

It takes times but that's what they're there for.
Sorry you're feeling this way