Quote:
Originally Posted by Gr3tta
Someone once asked me why I hurt myself, and I answered: because it works. And it does. Temporarily, yes, but when you are suffering, a brief respite of any kind is welcome. Once you know that, you can't UNknow it, which is what makes it so hard to resist using it as a way to help yourself feel better again. Injuring yourself forces your brain to release endorphins, so you do literally feel better for a short period of time. Injuring yourself can also trigger your survival instinct, which can be enough to ward off a suicidal urge. So on a chemical level, its a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
It just also has longer term negative effects. (Which I know you know well) for me it just helps me a little bit to know its not a totally irrational thing to do. I really hope you will continue to feel better. It sounds like you're working hard.
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Thanks. I try and be good to myself and try to look for the positives. Sometimes I collapse, like when I posted that. Today I looked at the cuts and regretted doing it. At the time I was mentally in a bad place and just wanted to feel in control of how I felt. The feelings were so intense I just wanted to feel ok again, or at least numb. Numb is easier to go with. I still don't get why I wanted to direct all the anger I was feeling at myself, but at the time it felt right, if that makes any sense.
I talked to my T about some of this, as much as I could. I didn't go into full detail, just that I have been self injuring and when I have done it. It is difficult to talk about, but I felt safe talking to her.