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I think trust is part of it. Or it depends on the person. But I think another part is accepting disappointment and that no one, including our therapists, are going to be 'perfect.' I think if you have a tendency to idealize others then there may also be a tendency to do the opposite as well with the same person (jargon-y, but some call it 'devaluation'). I guess the goal is to find a place in between and simultaneous, where you can accept the disappointments while at the same time keeping in mind that there are positive things about that person who disappointed you (and vice versa).
Somehow, both (and more) need to co-exist, so that one isn't always on a rollercoaster between loving and hating. Maybe one place to start would be, I like this about you and I don't like that about you (or I don't like what you said), instead of I like/love you, I don't like/hate you. That can leave some room for other things along the continuum.
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