might be triggering

My parents came up to visit me in college this weekend. I really do enjoy seeing my dad, but sometimes I wish he would just leave my mom at home. I can have fun sometimes with her but mostly I just try to control wanting to yell and scream and lash out at her. All she does is criticize.... every little thing that I could possibly be doing wrong. I'm never good enough for her, and nothing I ever do is either. Everything I do could/should be done better. I feel like trash, all I do is worthless/not good so therefore I am worthless/nnot good. I know that statement isn't true, but that's how I feel. All I can hear is this voice telling me "You suck, you suck", over and over and over again. I want to take a pen and just write "you suck" all over my legs. I want to pound this voice out of my head. I want to cut my arms as punishment but also to say "You can't see the cuts you're making on my heart, CAN YOU SEE THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'm so mad and upset at her, at myself. Why do I believe these lies?

*going to curl up in shower now and cry*