It sounds like your anxiety is acting up, but it is not out of control because you always have the possibility to take control of your emotions. You will probably need the help of meds and therapy-- which you made clear from a post that you are doing. So my advice-- hang in there!!!! It feels like a roller coaster right now and it will be draining, but it isn't going to always be that way.... You have a bright future ahead of you-- so don't let this rough patch get you down.