I am so full of violent self-hatred right now. It is palpable. I am just BPD, nothing more. I wish I knew what the hell is going on, but I don't. I don't know who to turn to, or who I can trust. My deep-seated hatred is all consuming. I wish I was dead and didn't have to feel.

I did try with xT, although I am sure that isn't the way he sees it. I keep getting triggered about termination. I feel like I am to blame for being just me. Oh, well. Time to move on.

I can't see myself in a good light at all. I see myself as all evil, and that I am toxic to everyone. I am really in pain. Alone.

I am so toxic.