It's that time of year, the sun is gone and the cold is here. I don't know why but last few days I feel so anxious, depressed - that end of the world feeling.

More medical tests coming up - I'm scared, scared of the tests and scared of the outcome. Funny... one of my newer friends - 3yrs asked me so who goes with you to the hospital? I've always gone alone - taxies - she has this really great husband she couldn't even imagine what that would be like - it struck me how different our lives are - I've had depression since age 13. Many surgeries, many taxies... got to stop feeling sorry for myself - suck it up. A few weeks ago the nurse called a taxi - that when it turned up had no markings, no meter, two men in it - stuck me in this dirty dirty van - I was zonked out from meds from surgery - made it home but what a trip.