ty (((((((((((((((((september)))))))))))

Amazing how one can get side tracked so easily. I spent the evening looking for my drivers license. I remember putting the license somewhere and remember thinking that o you will find them here. But where is "here".. It is like I hid them from myself so I can't drive. And I just started back driving short distances.... Ok you say why don't I keep them in my purse like normal folks.. Yes that is a good question. Thinks I may not be all that normal..

Anyway after looking high and low and still not finding my license I am sitting here reading. I have decided to read and digest one or two replies each day. That way by taking a lil bit at a time i won't get so overwhelmed and maybe I then can make sense of it all...

I have over the years asked my oldest brother to help fill in the lines, but my sister-in-law asked me to not question him anymore because it caused him to go into a deep slump or depression. My older sister even said it is a wonder we survived childhood. I asked her just what did we survive and she said she didn't know. So whatever it all is, it has to be well hidden in maybe forgotten memories.....

Oh i just had a brainstorm.. I am wondering if maybe the details or specific events are not necessary. Just acknowledge maybe life was not so grand and this is where I am now. With bits of not so good stuff and of course the good stuff. right??? Do memories get erased or forgotten forever? It isn't that I have not tried to find them, just all that is available is a black hole which is nothing. It is very hard to find something where there is "nothing".. So I would be beating myself up for no reason if things were just forgotten or maybe not even registered in the brain?

Thank you for understanding.. I do want to understand, see what needs to be seen, and move forward. I do not want to live my life as a victim. Deep down inside I want to heal the past. I do not want this dark cloud hovering over my head. I want to be set free. .