Hi to everyone and thankyou so much for your replies. I have been feeling terrible last few days and just havent had the energy to reply until now.......anyway.......

Bizi........yes its been a terrible year. My mother had suspected heart problems in January, my autistic son had tooth problems (doesnt do dentists), my daughter is loud and a teenager - she knows about my bipolar and she has had a lot to put up with.......the list goes on here, I love her to bits.

Then my grandmother died aged 100, I know she was old and it was time for her but it was still a loss nonetheless.

My hubby is very good with our son, he makes time for him and can relate to him really well. He has been terribly worried about me understandably and I did want couple counselling but we have had this before years ago and it was all about my abusive past with my family (mother) and the things we have both gone through with them in our marriage. It helped at the time though but he just doesnt want it now, he keeps saying its my abusive upbringing that triggered bipolar, I happen to agree to a certain extent, but also the fact we have a son with autism has not helped in the mix! I can deal with my mother, my past etc. what I want to deal with is NOW, my marriage, my health, nurturing my family, all that stuff but he refuses counselling so I am in psychotherapy.........what's the point when we can go together............I love this man so much but he won't budge. I know he's tired of it all but so am I, I just think we can start to find some peace and togetherness if we get help......

Then I had the diagnosis of BP, had hypomania and was frantic and exhausted trying to get my son into a weekly boarding special school - my husband went along with it all - I was on a mission - it made me very ill.

He won't read anything on BP says he doesnt need to - that's his way - he doesnt read anything on autism either. I read everything and anything.

3 days a week at school.....in the UK they see this as a "waking day 24 hr curriculum" so its an education need - crap is'nt it and another fight. Respite is for families who are going under or who have completely gone under! Hence the weekend respite.

I have been keeping a journal when I can, it helps.