Hai KP! Long time no see <3

See, myself and I do believe the others inside had that thought too about integration, that it would mean for a loss. Recently though I've found out some parts have already blended in with me (I prefer that term over integration personally as it's more descriptive without the negative connotation I associated with integration). It's something that happens naturally and cannot be forced from how my psychologist explains it. I want it to happen but I'll settle for co-consciousness in the way you're putting it. To not have to have my day told to me and it be so foreign like that, well it would be a step forward. My psychologist's goal for me is integration or blending as how I like to think of it as. I agree because even if I don't integrate her techniques in helping me heal are what's going to get me through life as an independent individual(s).

I'm sorry you didn't get the help and support you needed sooner. I had seen what drugs and alcohol does to people. I also was not afraid of reaching out for psychiatric care because I have a brother who is schizophrenic and bipolar. I've been through it all with him and knew what to expect. Was still very much nervous the first few times seeking help since my family kept insisting I was fine. Now I'm so happy that I got help before I completely lost myself.

I hope you're getting help with achieving your goal of co-consciousness. In all my short few years of searching for help with this it wasn't till this past winter that I finally found someone with many years of experience and success stories working with trauma and DID. She uses DBT because she's seen it works and for her is the best tool in her arsenal. For me it's helping too. Right now we're working on being "one-minded mindful" just means doing one thing at a time remaining completely focused on the one task. Super hard for me. I'm easily distracted and there's just so much going on all around me inside and out. I want to do it but wow what a challenge! This is the first homework task that she's given me that I couldn't just do with ease. If I can stay focused though it could help me stay out more in my day and be stronger so I'm not being dragged back inside without knowing what triggered me. At least that's what I'm thinking will be the outcome. Guess we'll see. . . if I can do this successfully >< lol.