Hello Joel

Am sorry to read about your marriage. Apart from sex, how is your marriage otherwise? Is it a happy one?
The reason that I ask is perhaps there are some other underlining issues here. I also noticed that you seem to blame yourself for everything which I do not think is fair.

It is OK to be sensitive and cry when upset you know, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. It's not ok to blame yourself and say that you have sexual inadequacies for her lack of attraction. I agree with Hamster, it's not an inadequacy. But if you do have self-esteem issues that are making things worse, have you ever considered therapy? I can almost understand that she is turned off when you are down, but to be fair, she should also support you through it and encourage you to get some help and not have an online affair. Work more as a team.

You say you want to work at your marriage and not give up. That's great, and I hope you have your wife on board with this kind of thinking too. The best advice I can think of is to put sex on a back burner for now, let go of the pressure it creates. Then I would think of going to therapy for your self-esteem and then suggest to your wife about couples therapy. Perhaps in the mean time you could get a baby sitter in and start 'dating' again. Perhaps you both may connect, just enjoy each other's company without pressure and then things like sexual attraction may come naturally.

Hugs