Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
I do not think that you need a divorce.
What you need, in truth, is some sort of an annulment, since the marriage has never been properly consummated.
That said, you won't prove it after 7 years and with children in tow, so technically speaking, yes, you need a divorce. Think of it as a divorce for practical purposes but as an annulment in your mind.
Regarding "an easy way out" - your problem is that you should not have gotten IN. But you did get IN. So now you need OUT. If you like unsurmountable challenges, then, of course, you do not need to settle for an "easy" way out, but you still need to find some sort of a way out.
I do not understand what actions or proposed actions you consider "selfish". It seems to me that anything that is not 100% extreme martyrdom is "selfish" for you. This is not the standard view of what "selfish" is. So if you
can explain with more detail and depth what would be "selfish", that would definitely help to gain insight into your frame of mind.
In any event, an amicable divorce and an equitable custody arrangement will be fine in terms of how your children will fare.
And you will become available for someone who might actually become attracted to you! And your children will be happier if you see that you are happy.
Regarding "sticking together to work it out" - you can stick together to work out a fair arrangement on how the chores are split. You cannot really "work it out" when the woman has never been sexually attracted to you and continues being uninterested in you. Yet, she says that she loves you. How does she express her love? Usually, people express love in a variety of ways, sexual being one of them.
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When we were first dating we had sex as much as we could, I worked out of state so usually weekends and it was good, nothing mind blowing but good. When we started living together our work schedules were opposite, she worked nights and I worked days so we didn't see each other and whe we did we made time for intimacy and what not.
Before we got married we were going to but a home together but I was going to lose my condo and I didn't tell her so that was the start, according to her where she started to lose attraction towards me bar uses she saw me as a different person. She said she almost called off the wedding but decided to go through it because she loved me, she still loves me and I do believe her.
When we started to have less and less sex she said and led me to believe that she was going through the hormone issues and she didn't feel like having sex so all along whe we did have it I wasn't thinking of her needs becuase I thought she wasn't into it, that is the selfish part I was referring to. I would get my pleasure and leave her without it and I should have communicated with her about it at an early stage. Does that make sense?