I've been married for 20 years to my high school sweetheart. Met when I was 15 he was 16. We both worked hard to get what we have and raised a family at a young age. We got along great but did realize that husband drank quite a bit, but at that time he controlled it, it never became a problem. I would say in the last 5 to 7 years it has gotten prigressively worse. Well let me say for the first 13 year of our marriage we worked opposite shifts in order for the kids never having to to daycare. The only real time we spent together was weekends. When we started working the same hours and coming home in the evenings I thought it would be a positive thing for my family...boy was I wrong. I think for the first time in our marriage, we really I mean really got to know each other. Things became very rocky. His drinking was constant everyday, but only got "buzzed" on his days off. He started to get aggressive, possessive, we started having shouting matches at times it got physical what's worse my kids who are older but still valnuable saw and heard us. I should have walked away from it but I wanted to show my only daughter to never fear any man but I know I was doing more harm. This has been going on for the past 7 years I would say. He says he will never do it again but come the weekend it starts all over again. Our relationship has been ruined by his drinking we don't get along, our sexual relationship is zero to none not ny his choice but mine. My 2 older kids, 21 and 18 have asked why I put up with it and it's my fault for staying. My youngest son is the one I worry about and stay for, he says to me when talk to him about the situation he says, "mom, the fights only last a couple minutes then dad goes to sleep but at I know he's ok, if we leave he will drink more because he is sad and I won't know if he's ok".. That breaks my heart so I stay. My husband is what they call a productive alcoholic. Never misses a day of work and does a great job at what he does. But his aggressiveness and alcholism is getting worse and worse because it gets physical and he does not care if the kids see or hear and there are times he goes after them too and jump in to defend them from him.
In the last 2-3 mths I met a man whom I've been talking to. He is such a great guy. He is a police officer that specializes in domestic violence situations. He has taken an interest in me and so have I. We get along great, have so many things in common, when I'm with him I'm just in adiffrent world I laugh I smile I feel so good and best of all he does not drink at all. He gives advice on what to do but never forces or pushes anything on me. I feel trapped. If I was single I definately know what to do but 20 years of marriage the accumulation of things we have...but at that doesn't compare to happiness. I truly know understand the meaning money can't buy you happiness because anything and I mean anything I wanted he bought for me...but it happiness for a short time.....just the lonelines, the fear, the hate I have for him I think is irreversible. When he is sober he is normal he is heckle and Hyde we could get into a major physical fight and the next day he acts like mother Teresa but never says sorry. Only to the kids he will but the kids don't believe him nomore. I am torn and don't know what to do. I need some advice please.