You might ask your psychiatrist about electric shock treatment. My understanding is
that you go into the hospital, an iv is started, you are placed under sedation, are given
an electric shock controlled by the doctor (only the toes move) and then awaken in
the recovery room. You are released the same day with possibly a mild headache and
are considered fine.

I just read a thread on the bipolar forum that medications for depression are 30 % effective; shock treatments are 80% effective. It might be worth investigating since you have such strong negative feelings about almost everything in your life and feel that you cannot carry the burden of responsibility for much longer with things as they are.

Good wishes on whatever you decide to do.