I feel like all of my posts are the same, ugh, sorry! But please listen because I feel really horrible and I'm so mentally tired of myself.

In short, I'm feeling pretty low now. Today, it's my second wave of very low mood. The first was around noon, and that lasted about three hours. In that time I was feeling irritable, and was apparently visibly upset because EVERYONE was asking me if I was in emotional pain. Nobody ever asks me that. I can't explain how I was feeling. I punched a girl in class and then I went to the bathroom and I cried. This is really odd behavior for me, I don't remember going to the bathroom to cry at school this year. Everyone was asking me what was wrong and I DON'T KNOW nothing has happened to make me upset. I didn't even get in trouble for punching the girl, I'm not seen as that kind of person at school.

I felt fine before then, and for a couple hours after. Now I'm back to feeling really sad and I just want to lay in bed and cry and sleep and not leave my bed. And my mom gets upset because I just can't mentally handle any conversation she's trying to have with me.

I'm getting old for this. The other day my mom casually mentions that when I go to college I can't throw things at people or threaten to kill them. I felt so bad she even had to mention that.

My period just ended, and I'm almost 18 and I'm going to college and everyone says it must be my age and hormones, and people I know tell me to control myself, and it's normal, and people here say talk to a school counselor, which I just don't want to do at all, and I'm pretty sure I'm done with puberty because I've had monthly periods for 7 years, so idk how much my hormones play in and I'm just so done. I don't even know why I feel crappy and it isn't even consistent. Lately I'll feel very low for hours at a time. When I feel my worst I normally just sleep because I can't handle being awake.