Eskie as I stated earlier, No sex is GOOD sex. Suits me fine. Twice a year is a great fit for me. Thanks for responding.

Shez I had completely meaningless sex w/ an ex boyfriend for a year, who was unconcerned about what I got from it. That suited me fine. There was no expectation of emotional connection or sexual pleasure. I could have no expectation sex forever.

With my H I dissociated from the beginning. Lots of times I was scared and pressured w/ my H. He did a lot of things similar to my abuser. ( In his defense I didn't tell him what my abuser didd until 2 months ago.) He never made me, or was not manipulative, but often I did feel like it was easier to just give into him to shut him up. That caused dissociation. Very few times in the 18 years that we have been married have I been "present". Those times good sex was possible, but since my H knew what good sex looked like w/ us, I developed "performance anxiety". That didn't help either.

I just hate sex and would rather not go there at all.