I'm tired of the ups and Downs. So I'd probably wind up faking the meds just to avoid that. I'm so preoccupied by what's wrong with my brain that it makes it hard to do much else and focus on the things I need to like at work. Then I keep thinking about what if my PCP can't help me, and she refers me to someone else. I don't like drs anyway. I don't know... think it'd be easier if I just went inpatient and said screw it. I want to be better but that means they gotta figure out what is wrong with me first which I doubt they will soon. I'm hoping its just an easy fix (wishful thinking I know). In my head nothing is ever easy. Hoping weather clears up was looking forward to going camping doesn't look like that's going to happen now though thanks to rain. Gotta go negative thoughts are compounding and don't feel like I'm making sense.