So.... Thanks everyone for listening to me. I feel myself starting to swing the other way. My thoughts are a little clearer. I was struggling with my reality checking so I went and told my husband what was going through my head. I told him I know it's not logical and I'm trying not to think these things, but it's hard. So, he did a good job reassuring me. I wonder if eventually he will convince me enough that it won't come back, or when it does if it will be easy to fight off. Or, if I'll always have this problem.

I don't know.

My mood is shifting, too. My ideas are clearing up and I am starting to swing the way. That's good, I want to write some more.