Leed,

I do understand your passionate interest in this topic and looking at things from the child's perspective. Of course the child's best interests are a top priority! However, your post sounds angry to me, as though you're attacking her.

Heartbroken is merely expressing her thoughts and fears. That's perfectly valid ~ she has every right to feel a bit concerned and wonder about her future with her fiance. I tried to be very mindful of her needs in my response, rather than delve too far into my own experience with the issue. Her fiance wouldn't have gotten genetic testing done if he didn't want to know if he is the father ~ right?

I went through a very emotional time back with my ex-hub when the test results came in. I felt all sorts of emotions! A big part of me was scared to lose him, another part was worried how we'd ever be able to afford having our own family and pay child support, and then another large part was infuriated that my fiance had no rights.

"Fathers of America" is a support group aimed towards men in this situation, but back then, their aim was to support married men. My ex was never married to the mother, so they wouldn't help him. There were no other groups lending emotional support or courthouse guidance so that he could gain some parental visitation rights. It was a horrible situation!! Especially for me ~ because there was nothing that I could do ~ *Joe wasn't my child. And *Joe's mom was very serious when she threatened to leave if my ex ever tried to see his son. It was f'ed up, and tore me up inside!

My ex wasn't trying to be a loser dad that didn't give a hoot ~ he cared very deeply about *Joe. I cared about Joe. We were in a horrible situation! So, please don't assume that all fathers who don't see their children don't care. A lot of times, the moms take off without ever sharing the news with the men in the first place, and that is wrong too!!

To me, the situation with Heartbroken sounds encouraging for the son. At least the mom finally came forward to share that he may be the father. That is good! That means that if he is the father, he can work on establishing a decent relationship with his son & that will be wonderful!

Heartbroken, I do wish you and your fiance the very best. It takes some time to adjust and accept the differences, but it can be done if you truly do love him. There will be changes if he is the father, but it is emotionally rewarding to you as well. Please do let us know what the lab test results are. I'll be there for you!