I gave up on being 'normal' a long time ago, it doesn't mean I don't desire contact with people, but I am afraid to much of the time because of past experiences of people ridiculing me or ostracizing me because I was 'weird'. So yeah I don't see myself having a normal life but I am hoping maybe I can have a life I can somewhat enjoy.

I have attempted suicide and even recently have been struggling with suicidal feelings. Its never really had to do with sadness really, more just feeling hopeless and worthless and being overwhelmed by symptoms and life stress it just gets to the point its so painful I just want it to end. Its not so much wanting to commit suicide as wanting to end the pain and in an unclear state of desperation means of suicide start looking appealing. I hope you never have to deal with that, its not exactly a bad thing you don't understand why someone would want to commit suicide.

Anyways maybe you're life wont be normal, but perhaps it can still be fullfilling in some way or another.