dear t, I'm regretting that I ever told you my secret, and I don't want to see you monday... I will tell you what I am thinking, and you will agree that I should probably get more intensive help... I don't really want it whole-heartedly, and would really rather you let me go on my way so I could just self-destruct quietly. I actually really just hate myself for feeling this way... I hope I am not over-estimating you seeing right through me. I can't afford to mess up my relationship with the urges in my head... but please don't think of me as a lost cause... I don't think I could handle that.