Hi Mulan,

I can relate to some of what you said. I dont feel my depression was genetic, but I'll say my dad at times did seem to look at the down side of things when things didnt go right. He wouldnt stay down, just simple statements like 'that figures' when something didnt work out the way he wanted it too. I think I started to pick up that habit a bit as I was growing up and found myself saying something like that at times, sometimes sarcastically, before the full blown depression hit me at 15.

I point to three main causes for my depression and they were all external. First, my parents divorce, followed by a debilitating car wreck my mom was in. Following that, my step mother began to abuse me physically and mentally. I was still pretty outgoing and optimistic in spite of that. What finally tipped me over though was from being in such a place emotionally that I was reaching out for love outside my family, a girlfriend to hold and be with, someone to call mine and all the girls I asked out said no. That left me feeling pretty unwanted and I crashed completely then. As time went on, I contributed to my own downfall by disregarding my health almost completely.

Thanks for your post. Sorry its been hard on you. I hope things are improving now. I just wanted to say, after all this time, Ive been able to look back and appreciate a lot of what I went through. Even tho my step mom was cruel and mean, she taught me some important things about life and all the other experiences taught me something too. Maybe everyone, or at least a lot of us, have crosses to bear.

I feel especially considerate of people with MI who have it through no real cause of their own or anyone elses. It really makes me aware of how unfair life is to some.