Okay, so this is going to sound ridiculous and its going to be a long post, so bare with me. Here I go. I have been with my current boyfriend going on four years in September. Now for a little background. Before I met him he was married to his high school sweetheart, they had a daughter. Soon after ( I mean it, like right after) she was born his now ex-wife would go out all hours of the night and sleep all day. He raised his daughter. She started having affairs too. He took this really really hard. I say this because to this day (six years after) he says he won't marry again and went so far to have a vasectomy. It took him two years to tell me he loves me. My BIG dilemma is I want marriage and kid. We have talked about the marriage thing and he didn't say no but more like way way down the road. As for kids, at one point he said he wanted a kid with me but since has been admit on no more kids. (FYI he was still sleeping with his wife while separated and she had a boy.) He says he won't let anyone in ever again, he has me some what but he can't handle in depth emotional conversations either. And he is against going to doctors for help. Ugh.
I should have taken the hint and left a long time ago but now I feel so invested into him and the kiddos. I just don't know what to do. Thinking about being without him and me breaking him, and the kids. One of the hardest thing is the kids. its too much. I instantly turn into a weeping baby. He said he would never love again, but that changed, marriage may change, but the kid thing. I just don't know.
I just don't know what to do because the longer I wait the harder it will be. I just want some advice. Do I hang in and he will come around. Or do I sit and just lay it out and let the ball in his court. Frick, never been good at this stuff.