Quote:
Originally Posted by Evening
I'm 25 and I've always been single, I find myself too repulsive to picture myself with someone. And I have little to no trust with men and relationships.
But I'm VERY lonely, and I get incredibly jealous at everyone that's in a relationship because they have someone who wants to be with them and I have nobody. I joke a lot about being a crazy cat lady (as I have a lot of strays around my home and I joke I've used my cat lady powers to lure them as my minions), and I'll say to people quite often that I'm happy being alone and have no interest in/time for a relationship, but that's just a guise for feeling pathetic. I rarely have feelings for a guy, though there was/is one that I can't quite get over. He can be a bit of an *** sometimes, but I can't quite get over him. I try to avoid him on Facebook. Not that he talks to me anymore anyway, haha. But I don't try to talk to him or see anything he's written.
I'd just like someone who is a best friend to me and some company, but I don't ever foresee it happening. So I guess for me the worst part is feeling unwanted, unattractive, and alone. I look at some people in relationships and think 'how the HELL can they find someone and I can't?'.
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I'm very much the same as you, although without the cats. And the guy I don't think I'll ever get over was never a jerk to me. I don't think he'd dare—he was already very intimidated by me I think. He knew I was aggressive (not towards him of course, but towards the people who picked on him because he was too meek to stand up for himself). I actually miss defending and protecting him, but I think I mostly miss knowing a guy that I actually felt safe around. Or what could have happened if we ever dated...guess I should start enjoying being single as I'll never meet anyone else like him and I don't know how he'd react if I contacted him.
I would also love to have someone to talk to, to have someone I could actually trust, and to have someone help me with housework when I hurt too much to do much.
And to cope? I have stuffed animals—sad, but true. I eat while watching TV and have the TV on a lot just to hear other people's voices.