I identify with so much of what you say. Confusion over how we were treated as children make it hard to make correct choices in our lives. On the one hand you were neglected and abused by your parents. Next you say that they are good parents. That confusion can come because your parents make you feel like what they do is right. So even though our gut instinct tells us that this is wrong we are manipulated into thinking that what they do is right. It makes it hard to trust yourself and know how to make decisions. Being beaten and not being allowed to cry really messes with you emotions. It makes you go numb and have a hard time getting in touch with your emotions later in life. So no matter the so called good things your parents did, they were very abusive and have to be held responsible for it's affects on you. There was no excuse for what they did.
Both of my parents also had depression. I think the abuse triggers the episodes but the foundation for depression is there in your genetics.
I was able to get out of depression through medication. It took a long time to find the right kinds but I finally found it.
Also it's important to find a life outside your family. You can't let them define who you are. They don't know because they don't look. Be as active in outside activities as you can. Do positive things so you feel good about yourself. There are so many things you can do to help others and build good self esteem.
You can gain control of your life and have a good one.
Good luck to you and keep posting