Thank you so much for your reply, it feel so good to be heard!!!! When I spoke to T last week about having very little support (which she already knew), she did mention various people that I could bring in to talk about this with them, but I had what feels like valid reasons for why each person wouldn't be able/willing/or wanted. She said that it's not unusual for people dealing with these types of issues to have very little support as well.

I have told my best friend about some of it, and she is intrigued, understanding, and excepting as always...but her time is as limited as everyone else so I don't get a chance to fully say all that I want to, and when I do say anything at all, other parts feel sheer terror for having shared.

I'm just beginning (and have only partially) come to terms with this myself. I'm still seeing who is coming to the table in the technique, so I feel as if I'm at my most vulnerable so that maybe this isn't even the right time to explain it. Idk...and one of the people I want to tell the most is the person who has been the most unavailable, and caused the most damage. I don't want to tell her to hurt her, I just need her support and although she may want to be supportive, she is simply incapable. I guess in processing this out loud, I need to be aware of expectations. What do I expect to be the outcome, and what is realistically the possible outcome...

I'm wondering too if anyone has dealt with the feeling that their t is getting annoyed with having to deal with you for so long and annoyed with some of your parts? I'm not sure if it's the hyper-mentalism that comes with bpd (being sensitive to facial expressions etc)...I feel like a burden, but again processing out loud...that may all be what parts are used to feeling.

I do still feel as though I am all over the place because I switch (for lack of a better word) so frequently, even within the time frame of typing this that I feel like I'm missing things in between it all. Thank you though for saying that it is coherent , it feels like chaos.

I really can't thank you enough for your reply, processing out loud (and not just within my own parts haha, and outside of a therapy session) is just so helpful!!!!