I struggle with intimacy and the need to keep people at a distance and not to need anyone. I still remember the sick feeling I had when I slipped in therapy one time and admitted I felt like I need him. It was actually fairly early in therapy, and we were discussing a mutual acquaintance's relationship with her therapist which, in both T's and my opinion, was crossing the line into a dual relationship. I think he was concerned that I would expect similar things from him and was explaining the boundaries of the relationship. I said something along the lines of, "yeah, I need you desperately, but not in THAT context." Then sat there in shock and disgust that those words actually came out of my mouth. He was totally calm and accepting and knew that my brain was leaping to disgust and horror and addressed that with me and tried to "normalize" the need.

Trying to feel okay reaching out to him for support has been an ongoing issue with me and he has worked hard to help me feel safe and not stupid and needy and babyish for asking him for help.