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Originally Posted by MdngtRain
I'm sorry that happened... must make day-to-day difficult if you are trying to avoid music that is triggering but always present... I wonder if the music just allows you to feel, and your head jumps to negative emotions? Are you able to express the emotions in other ways?
Music has changed over time for me (and continues to change). If I am down and listen to certain music, it brings me up... but on some occasions, that same music can bring me down hard and fast, and other times it does nothing... Is there a way you can consciously change the thought patterns when listening to the song? Does recognizing the pattern and maybe talking back to it help? Something along the lines of "This is just a song. I don't have to express my feelings in this way..."? I dunno... something to stop the cycle? Does talking to someone about it help? Would writing to someone about it help? I know for myself, it helps to write to my T and tell him my line of thinking... it generally pulls me out of it knowing that someone in real life now knows and will hold me accountable for it. ((hugs))
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It is an ongoing battle. Choosing doesn't really help, because all the songs I like do the same thing. At least half of them are not sad. Its more the melody that does it. Even if the words were not there, the music would still cause the same reaction. I have a very close friend who knows that this happens, and she makes sure she turns the radio off in the car when she gets home if she has been driving without me. I do talk to her about it and the reaction it causes.
For me, its like flipping a switch. I can be having a good day and be walking through a store and the overhead PA system plays one of the songs. Immediately, my mind jumps to thoughts of suicide and it can be days before I recover from it. Because of this, I opt not to listen to music. I don't turn the car radio on or listen to it at home. At least not unless I've been hit by it already. If a song comes on and flips that switch, I'll find it on line and can't seem to stop myself from listening again and again. The last one I've probably already listened to for three or four hours total since i heard it accidently.
Your point about misinterpreting an emotion is a good one. I've thought about that in the past, wondering if it was just causing an emotional response that I then either interpret at bad or tag it with a bad memory. As far as I can tell, the answer is no. More often than not, I don't get a clear picture of a memory attached to it, and the last song came out during a fairly good point in my life. Having had experience with suicide attempts and the feeling of wanting pain to end as opposed of actually wanting to die, the music actually makes me want to die. Its frighteningly powerful and fast. Since i have set "roadblocks" in place to keep me from attempting suicide, I don't think that would happen, but it is still powerfu enough to scare me. If it happens in the car, i wind up driving for hours, getting lost and disoriented. I've never had an accident, and generally I tend to stick to country roads, but keeping the radio off is a strick rule I try to enforce upon myself.
Sam2