I don't post much except to be supportive of folks here. I don't know why, but I guess I think that my problems and issues really aren't all that bad and I get thru life's ups and downs fairly well. But today, well, today is different. Today is the 25th anniversary of my mom's death. She was only 60 years old when she died. She battled brain cancer for about 8 months or so. She had surgery to remove the tumors, but the doctors weren't able to remove all of them. She went through 5 grueling weeks of being transported 5 days a week to and from the hospital in an ambulance for radiation treatments. After the 5 weeks, a ct scan showed that instead of the tumors shrinking, more had grown. 1981 was a long year. I had a daughter of 4 years, an alcoholic husband, father and brother trying to help take care of mom. I was the only one working outside the home at the time. I was doing almost all the housework and personal care of my mom during the day while raising my daughter and picking up after the boozers then going to my night job. Looking back, I have no freaking idea how I managed to get through that year in one piece, but I did.

Today, I received a call from my beloved Aunt's best friend that the nursing home my aunt is in called and wants us to consider hospice for my Aunt. Aunty is 93 years old and been pretty healthy most of her life, all things considered. She is my mom's older sister. After mom died, Aunty pretty much stepped up and became my surrogate mother. Aunty had never married and never had any of her own kids.

I saw Aunty (she's in another state) right before I went on a 2 week vacation to the UK. She was hanging in there, not great, but not too bad either. When I came back from vacation and saw her again, I was floored how much she had declined and in such a short period of time. She is but a shell of a woman now, totally confused, paranoid and with a touch of dementia. She is uncomfortable, but in no pain. Since the nursing home is now asking about Hospice, I know the time is drawing to a close for Aunty.

I am sad. Sad that she is suffering the loss of her independence and her mind. I'm preparing myself (I guess for a long time now) for the day she leaves this realm for the next. I pray everyday that the lord would take her and stop her suffering. I know he will when the time is right, I trust in that. I am at peace with myself for knowing that I have done everything in my power to make her transition from her home to the nursing home as easy as possible for her and seeing her there as much as I possibly could.

I guess I just needed to vent....to voice my love for my dear mother and aunt. Thanks for listening, and I hope I didn't trigger anyone with this post.