Dear Sabau~

Fifteen years ago on the 16th of this month will be the anniversary of my moms death. I sat here reading your post and it sound so much like me. Except I didnt have to take care of an alcoholic husband. And my dad and I shared the responsibility of taking care of mom. I worked part time . She had vascular surgery on her leg and two toes amputated, renal failure, CHF, mini strokes, and at the end they wouldnt say for sure .. but we think she may have had pancreatic and liver cancer also. They took a CT and wouldnt tell the results. That was like a month before she died, they knew it was coming and so did we. I think they were trying to save us from making a decision that we couldnt make. Mom and I were close. ANd there will never be another like her. I had one Aunt left also. My moms older sister. And we did things together that mom and I would do . She died 3 yrs later from breast and lung cancer.

I understand what your going thru. And how your feeling. So many things we tried to do for them .. and we couldnt save them from hurting or from being scared. But we were there. We did what we could .. and I know in my heart that my mom appreciated that. The morning she died, was one of the best memories we could have shared . I got ready to go to work. And I had to get her breakfast. So I asked her what she would like. She said a piece of bread with a bun on it. I looked at her like what did you say? And we both cracked up laughing at eachother laughing because our bellies were shaking and we just couldnt stop. We hugged eachother.. and we were both so thankful for that moment. God how I miss her!!! She was the best mom ever!

Hold onto the good memories hon.. and do things you used to do together around this time of the anniversary of her death. Celebrate her life .. rather than mourn her. Thats what she would want for you.

Hugz
Bethy