I don't know if this should go under sanity score or this....anyways, my score for self-esteem on the sanity score was 100 out of 100! I was answering honestly and I never thought it would be that bad! I thought I was normally putting myself down with thoughts like everyone else does occasionally, I....just.......well.....maybe it is that bad considering every single day I wake up and the first thought that runs through my head is,"Don't forget, your so, so so,
f---ing ugly!"
Now I realize I don't put myself down occasionally, it's a daily thing. It's gotten so bad and now I'm realizing it, I used to be able to take criticism very well, but now, if you said the most simple thing like,"You should change soandso"
I feel the tears welling up and I think, "You better not f---ing cry you little stupid b----!" I used to take compliments well, now I almost never get compliments, but when I do I assume they're just saying that and they don't really mean it. Which I know they don't because they are all full of it. And when I walk down the hallways of school, people laugh at things I don't even know but I think "They're all laughing at you!" And my heart starts pounding and my face gets all red. People usually tease me behind my back, but there pretty stupid about it. Two girls were sitting at the desks in front of me so I could see their faces and they were saying the meanest things about me,"She's so pathetic" "Stupid B----" things like that. I feel as if I'm a punching bag, people all saying things that are like punches to my soul. I can feel the last 3 years of "punching" and now it's taking its toll on me. I guess I do have a self esteem issue. I hate everything about myself-I am near friendless, ugly, unintelligent, lazy, shy, so shy I taught myself how to laugh without smiling,I have the worlds ugliest curly hair, I am terrible at any and all sports, I'm almost unlovable by anyone except my parents, I've walked this world for who knows how long without a hug from anyone, I'm kinda fat, I've got too much fat on my belly, and I'm unmotivated to do the simplest things. There's a lot more bad things about me than that, trust me on that one, but this is really long, so now I'll get off my soap box and let you guys say something, if you want. I'm hopeless.