Hi Krea,
Boy, I have felt the way you do so many times in my life. I have dealt with depression as long as I can remember and also grew up with both Mother and Father depressed. So, whether it's hereditary or learned or both, I am still fighting it at 52 today. I have taken many different anti-depressants but the last one he put me on has helped me more than any of the others. I take prozac and wellbutrin and although, I go through cycles, it seems better now than before.
It sounds like you need a change in your meds to me.
When you said, "once upon a time a little girl was born, why did it have to be me", it triggered a time in my life that I had buried and hadn't thought about in a long time.
I had a sister that died before I was born and when I was eighteen, my father once told me that he had one little girl that died but wished it had been me.
Don't feel bad, that's not why I told you this. I just want you to know that I know how you feel. Try and get some help before you dig yourself in so deep that it's really hard to come back. I have gone into those episodes and all I do is stay in the house with the blinds closed and talk to know one. I don't want to see you suffer this way. Please, find someone you can talk to about your feelings. It does help.
If there is anything I can do to help you, let me know. I care.

Linda