okay im so confused, when i DO go out into the world (not often and NEVER alone) i get nervous no matter what trusted person accompanies me, yet when im alone i panic also, i dont get it? fear of abandonment? social phobia? just plain panic disorder w/ agoraphobia? i dont get it, i hate it and i want to just wake up and feel normal, my relationships are severed because of this *****, i have my mom and my boyfriend in my world (occasionally my dad) and other than than NOBODY, my friends have abandoned me (or maybe i abandoned them) i feel so alone, even with the two most important people with me in my life, i feel so empty. I hate this thing that happens to me, I hate that i cant just bite my lip and get on with *****, i hate that i hate it... oh ya and i hate the fact that im too damn chicken ***** to help myself!,... go to therapy? how do i get there if i cant leave my house?!! take meds? how do i do that if im too damn afraid to take them for fear im going to die?! i think i know the roots of my issues but im afraid to dig at them. will it get worse? will it get better? God please help me shed some light on my life, cause right now im not living, im merely existing with no idea what the purpose is. (no im not suicidal, im waiting to find out what my purpose is, but right now, im just not gettin it and im sick of being in limbo with this stupid !!@##%@ disorder)! argh.