Ok, just to clear up any confusion, I've never dated so instead of getting back into the game, I'm just trying to get in before I get any older and there are less and less people available.
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Originally Posted by Leed
Bless your heart. You are NOT creepy! ALL of us have what you might call "defects" on our bodies. We ALL have stretch marks, or scars or marks of some kind on our bodies, whether it be from surgeries, or accidents, or whatever.
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Does it make a difference that most of the scars are from self-harm that still happens occasionally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by winter4me
Could you describe what happened in the last relationship that led to "being treated like a terrible person" and how that necessitated antipsychotic medication? Also a bit more about the sexual issue, how it expresses itself with others These are the only parts I find really concerning. (and whatever it is can be worked on for the better) Can you describe the behavior of yourself and others during this time? As for the rest, as Leed says we all have our defects and this is no reason not to love and be loved. Or, just to have a good, lasting dating relationship.
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And more details about what happened with the guy I expressed interest in and has made me terrified to do that again (as I will refer to now as J). I had just moved to a new city (and state as well) to go to graduate school and J was being nice and friendly towards me (which I'm not really used to) so because I'm so desperate to bond with people, in my mind, emotionally, I bonded with him (or at least thought I did) very quickly.
So we went to dinner one night (not sure if you could call it a date or not) and without thinking, I mentioned that I had already begun liking someone and then admitted it was him. It was fine at first. He of course didn't like me and we'd move on.
And then things went downhill from there. I guess it started with me jokingly saying it would be a jerk move if he told me he wasn't interested in dating at all and started dating someone next week (this has happened to me). Things just slowly got more and more tense. He would glare at me when he walked by me and I felt terrified all the time that I would run into him and that he would accuse me of stalking him. He also mentioned at some point how I had created a whole imaginary relationship in my head (but people DO fantasize right? Maybe I do too much?) One night he wanted to talk to me. He was really angry and I was really depressed and told him that I really couldn't talk that night. I texted him soon after apologizing and explaining that my mind wasn't in a good place to talk. He texted me back and continued to text me hurtful messages. Including saying I'm creepy (which has happened more than once by multiple people over my lifetime). I was already overwhelmed by other things and was emotionally falling apart and his texts just sent me over the edge. I became paranoid, couldn't sleep, started to think I was seeing things. I thought maybe J was following me.
I'm not sure if I have enough experience to really describe the sexual issue. Apparently my fears are abnormally high. I expect to forced to do something sexual that I don't want to do, and so I guess I just see sexual things as scary and bad. If you have more specific questions, I'll try to answer them.