For those members unaware, I carry a bp2 dx. I suffered 2 severe psychotic depressions, the 2nd while medicated, it was an hallucinatory type of psychosis. I've also had 2 mixed episodes while medicated, and hallucinate (mildly) independent of episodes, because the pdoc never said any different, and I'm sure I've never been fullblown manic I just thought I'm an oddball type 2.
Recent posts have me thinking though...
My hypomania doesn't stay euphoric for longer than 3 days, I become agitated and highly aggressive day 4. Also my thought distortions are significantly different. No longer do I simply believe I'm sexier and smarter than everyone else, I have also started to entertain the belief that I'm some ethereal timeless creature, write spells, which I bought special marble paper for and laminated too, and believe sleep is for mere mortals... I know to a certain extent it can't really be true, and go along with it as some childish indulgence, but obsessive and in all seriousness at the same time, as if it really is true. Idk if that makes any sense
I've never lost complete touch with reality (well, except for actually taking the time to write the spells I guess
) and switch back to "normal" or reality seemingly with ease...
The thing is though, these feelings/beliefs are not new, not by a long shot, they were probably cemented in my psyche wayyy before dx as I remember being 17 and believing I would die on my birthday because creatures like me aren't meant for this torturous world... I was VERY upset when I woke up the day after my birthday btw. I had a break from these thoughts for a long period of time though. Now they have returned with a vengeance, become more pronounced, and no longer as easy to dismiss as childish imaginings and fantasies.
I can't say for sure how long these beliefs last because moodtracking is stressful, so yeah.
Really I'm not asking anyone to re-assess my dx, but
I would like to know your thoughts on it though. Is it "typical" for a bp2 dx? Does everybody's episodes / cycles manifest significantly differently over time without interfering with the dx?
I won't say my bp's worse though, episodes and cycles are now few and far between, its just... different.
Its been on my mind for a while now, and thought I'd let you guys chew on it with me. Any and all constructive input/thoughts welcomed
