It's been a hard week... First on Wednesday a deer jumped on the good of the car...it's my bosses car...great.

Then Thursday I got heart breaking news, my favourite mare who I regretted selling, Bold, had died. It's been a mess surrounding her death. We believe she was poisoned by the barn owner or the barn owner didn't watch her like she was suppose to. Regardless it shouldn't have happened, she was only 4.

I'm still struggling with her death..the girlfriend gets mad and says I need to stop dwelling on it. The other day I cried into her tail (when she died we cut her tail as a keepsake, I know it's odd but still) and the gf got pissed. She said its unhealthy, but it's all I have left and idk what else to do.I got wasted last night, felt good to be so out of it I didn't think about Bold. I know I shouldn't drink because I have had issues with alcoholism in the past. But I said eff it and drank 3/4 of a bottle of vodka.

Needless to say I'm not doing well.