I think it is a shame you had bad experiences with therapists, it seems like you have issues that would be well dealt with over time with a therapist you can trust.
Do you want to be in a relationship that would lead to sex? Meaning, do you feel sexually attracted to men? Women? Both? You might want to check out the gender issues forum if yes but having issues. You say you wouldn't worry about a girl hurting you---have you been abused? (you don't have to answer that of course)--- I think, if you do begin a relationship, and it is fine for a girl to express an interest in a man, and it is also ok to set some boundaries at the start in regards to physical contact etc. I'm a little unclear on the guy you had the problem with----did you continue to contact him after he told you not to? You say he wanted to talk to you. Do you know what about? Has he spoken with you in a way that was not mean? With him, I would recommend no contact at this point.
Nothing you have said about yourself would be a deal breaker.
Do you still self-harm? If so, please do check out that forum to talk with others who do and have done the same. It sounds like you may have to work on developing your own interests, get involved in some activities that don't feel threatening where you can be around people without having to be "with" someone.
You might even want to give therapy another try...if you find someone you can trust it can be a great help. We all feel vulnerable, embarrassed, and otherwise uncertain at times, it is hard to open up but important to be able to do that some place that is safe for you.