Hello Traumerin, and welcome to the club! There are many of us on here who also have our own fetishes and fantasies. I personally have a Nazi/Hitler fetish and enjoy dressing in Nazi uniform and seeing others wear the uniform. It's perfectly normal to feel ashamed. I also experience guilt and shame from time to time, especially when I was first getting used to my fetish. But I realized that I was not hurting anyone in any way, and though my fantasy is controversial, it's nothing for anyone to debate on. You are very lucky to have found a partner who is enthusiastic about your fetish. I have yet to find someone who is both attractive and into my fetish. Your rape fantasies are actually the most common fantasy of all, many, many women have fantasies of being held at gunpoint or by knife and raped. Lots of women enjoy being dominated by men, it's a very popular fantasy. I hope you know that you are not alone! There are lots of women out there who are in the same position as you!