I think one of our issues is that H has very little tolerance for conflict in general. If I get upset about something (whether I try to talk about it calmly and rationally or yell and get angry) he gets very defensive and starts pointing out my faults. It's very difficult to have a conversation about anything serious with him.

We went out a couple nights ago and he was angry that I brought up one of our things (I figured it was a safe time because we were calm and I asked nicely and the kids weren't around) he was not happy and said I always try to ruin the evening by bringing stuff up instead of enjoying the moment.

I think I'm trying to take advantage of the moment to have a discussion but perhaps I'm subconsciously trying to invoke an argument. I don't think so but maybe...?