I emailed my T with more specifics than I had intended... I was going to switch the address after I wrote too much info in it, but my mouse jumped and it sent it... so there's no doubt now I will be going someplace tomorrow... I talked to my wife a bit too, and told her that I had asked my T to help me get in somewhere... it relieved some of the weight, but the insane urges are still there. I still want to destroy myself... just have to make it through tomorrow at 1... thanks for the support...
I'm a bit nervous, as the place I am hoping to go to will cost quite a bit without insurance... I don't know if I will be able to go in... and I'm anxious that they may make me go via the ED... I don't really want to do that... I would probably end up in a state facility... they really suck here. I'm hoping they have some sort of free bed fund I can apply for until I get state, or in case I don't get it... and I'm scared about the med situation... it has been easier to resist the urges somewhat since I have not been on meds in a few years... I hope they don't force me to take anything... my anxiety is going up again, and the urges are coming really strong again... hoping I can hold out... she made me promise not to do anything...