I've been having a difficult time lately. A lot of things are triggering my abandonment issues. Said goodbye to a friend who is moving back to France. I told him "There was some bad stuff between us but it's ok now" and he said "no it's not ok." ouch I really want to call him and try and clear things up.

I keep sending depressed emails to my friend J late at night I guess hoping to get some attention but no response. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and panicking. I had a bad dream about J having a new girlfriend and having to see them together. I've never self harmed but in the dream I cut my hand and showed it to him. I guess I'm not doing very well.