One night I found myself with a milk jug full of Amber Bock while I was driving my car. I kept thinking about the fact that I'd have to change my sobriety date and I was mad because I liked my sobriety date. Then I began justifying it, saying to myself that it wasn't a relapse. Then I woke up. Then I woke up again. It's almost always a dream within a dream that I dreamt that I drank. But the feeling is always the same, the shame in changing my sobriety date, then the justification, then the panic upon awakening (in the dream and then actually waking up) then the flood of relief that it was just a dream. Wow.

Last night in my dream, I was playing pool and the server told me they had beer on special and would I like one. At first I said no, then I changed my mind and ordered one. The dream either ended before I drank it, or else I don't remember the rest of the dream. But the relief was the same.

These dreams hardly ever happen, but I've had 2 in the last week. Which makes me wonder, is there something I'm avoiding? An unrecognized resentment? I made an appointment with a family member to make an amends. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's my Higher Power's way of saying "Remember to be greatful that you're sober." Either way, the dreams are unsettling at best, but a great reminder of why I do what I do.

A good friend of mine, a woman I met when I first got sober is having a baby girl. She's due on the day before my sobriety date. I asked her if she can hold the baby in until my sobriety date. Selfish? Me? Nah...Haha. I'm so greatful that I haven't had to change that date. Just had to share that I'm having these dreams. Any thoughts?