Before the marriage there were serious issues that I realized about his personality & I wanted to call off the wedding because of.....I didn't want to be married to an arrogant person who wanted everything served to him on a silver platter without having to work for things....however that's now how he saw himself & even though he was 22 & I was 21.....my mother convinced me that he would grow up & become more responsible when he HAD TO when life put him in difficult situations. Life did & he didn't.....he now blames it on his ADD....at least he now has an excuse for it rather than just being the horrible jerk I always saw him as & I didn't trust him to make any good important decisions & since I had the business degree, I really didn't trust him farther than I could throw him. Having sex with someone I didn't trust just wasn't appealing....having sex with someone who fought me on everything in our life because we definitely didn't see things at all the same....really NOTHING.

We had sex one too many times & we ended up with our daughter.....& I have to admit, he was good with kids....as good with them as I wasn't. I tolerated him for 33 years the last 13, we just lived under the same roof......when I have negative feelings about someone, having sex with them is the last thing I want if the other things that are seriously important to the marriage can't be resolved....having sex wouldn't change what was seriously wrong & he didn't want to change.

Before we got married I even listed all the things that I wasn't going to compromise on....getting my degree was tops & I also pointed out that I didn't want to have children because I wasn't good with them & didn't have the patience to be a good mother. 2 years after getting married I got pregnant.....first thing he told me was that I could just take a few years off & get my degree later.....I was 10 months away from getting my degree when our daughter was born....boy was I angry....hit just blew off the top 2 issues I went into the marriage with.....I told him where he could take his ideas & threw him out of the apartment. My parents stepped in to take care of our daughter was so thankful....but that was just another nail into the marriage coffin. Financial irresponsibility was another huge nail in toe marriage coffin also & when depression hit me 20 years after we got married when I lost my career to hide away from the marriage in....I found out that he had no ability to take care of any financial medical bills & the collection agencies....I realized I was so much better off having to take care of myself being alone than feeling like I should be able to depend on him being married...just couldn't get my mind around being married to someone & not being able to trust them to take care of the things I would take care of if they were in the same situation....it might not sound like abuse.....but it definitely felt like it & the anger got to the point all I could see was red any time I got close to him.....definitely NOT a condition that lent to having sex of any kind with him.