Ok--so here it is --married for 15 years, wife is bipolar and not on meds, had major episode when she was 17, then another 8 month ago at 35. The whole nine yards, hallucinations, 5150...hospital, on meds--then off meds, then our relationship got better(I had filed for divorce last year in July, I thought I could not take it anymore--so things got better and we were on the road to reconcilliation...then 4 weeks ago it all got bad after an argument--something stupid, I just did not agree with her. Shortly after that she had a job interview and now she has an affair with the guy that hired her. 20 years older, nice Mercedes..all in all the absolute opposite of me. I am 40, loving father of our two little children. She has pretty much stopped suddenly all contact to me, and now her only focus seems to be this new guy. I was creepy husband and spied a bit (creepy because we are seperated) and found out on out wedding anniversary that she spent the night at his house. I did not cause a scene,not because I a did not want to but because I did not want to trigger something baaaaaad. Yes, I am worried about her health and safety , but I am also jealous, hurt and am supressing the urge for good ol revenge.
To be quite honest--the best thing that could logically happen to me is to get rid of her and let her ride into the sunset with creepy grandpa guy, but I actually love her and she is the mother of my children. So my plan- if you can call it that is to do--nothing. She does not know that I know and I am somewhat counting on her either freaking that creepy guy out or having her snap out of it and realizing that I am not that terrible of a guy after all. Am I delusional? In a way I want her to realize her own mistake--is that even possible with an unmedicated patient? It seems the more I tried to show her that I cared and loved her the more she withdrew from me. I am not trying to play any games with her, but I think if she would commit to therapy and meds that we could make it, some time down the road. I hate the thought of her sleeping with this other guy, it tears me up but I think if I flip out on her she might just find me even less attractive as she does right now. I am not vain but I have been told to be a really understanding, loving, good looking, caring guy--now my estranged wife does not agree, she says I have been verbally and emotionally abusive for 15 years. I know that is her truth and her true feelings, which is realllllly hurtful to me, because I dealt with pretty severe mood swings and against my usually natural easy going personality sometimes just said something pretty mean back. Anyway-so yeah , I am faaar from perfect. So--my qustion is-should I even bother trying to rebuilt a relationship with her or is it pointless? No single individual on this planet has caused me more worry and pain, but I am old school, I love her but I just don't recognize her anymore. Her family has given up on her, our kids, 7&11 know that mommy sometimes is "mean to daddy" , her friends are people I don't know. It seems to me that she surrounds herself with people that don't know anything about her. I don't have the resolve to just detach and move on but I am longing for someone that can just be with me, I want to enjoy holidays and family and I know that is what she wants to. My question--Should I even bother or is it a neverending cylcle of pain I am subscribing to?