I doubt that you could salvage a marriage on the rocks now, frankly, but that's a decision that you and your therapist need to make, not someone like me. I think it's in your best interests to continue to see a therapist and try to help the children have a stable life with their father, if you can manage that, with a good "nanny" to assist.

Without medications, she is going to get worse, in all likelihood, and this affair is going to be on her conscience for years, making the stress more severe. As soon as the "older" man recognizes that she's an untreated bipolar, he is likely to let go, because his age wouldn't permit him to take on such a burden.

I don't think it's a good idea to have her back into your life unless she's had at least one year of intense psychiatric care and a year of medication to see if the illness is stabilized and will remain that way with care. She's going to be an expensive burden on your life in terms of insurance, psychiatric care for the children if she's permitted back into their lives untreated and abusive, as she has shown to one child, at least.

Your health is at risk, too, unless you can obtain some peace of mind. Love is a powerful emotion, but friendship eventually follows passion, so I would be inclined to, at best, retain a friendship for the benefit of the children, and in time you may find a healthy, loving woman who will be a companion for you for life and will love your children.

She just doesn't sound like a winner to me for you and the children, but then I don't
really care for infidelity in any way, shape, form, or fashion. What position of trust
would you have if she came back with an apology?

Sorry to be so blunt, but facts are facts with untreated bipolar illness over a long period of years.