I remember one time I had a blackout (one of many). I was 16. From what my friends said, I was quite the clown. At the time, because I felt like a zombie most of the time, it felt good to me that, even if I didnt remember, someone saw me having a good time. It reminded me and let me feel connected to my old self. We laughed about it together and for a little while I felt accepted.

It worried me at the same time. What if i really hurt someone sometime? I knew I couldnt live with myself if that happened. needless to say, it wasnt enough to get me to change though.

Thank God I never killed anyone.