and not about the lotto this time

My Pdoc put me on Vistaril (I think same as Atarax, not Ativan)...

I've had the most vivid dreams. Nice, beautiful dreams, mostly all about my kids when they were little. Not a lot of nonsensical weird stuff. Problem is I wake up, and cry. I feel such a loss. Part of my "story" is my ex took my kids to Alaska and I didn't see them for 8 years. Those years started my drinking years. I did not think I would ever win if so didn't fight, had me believing I was worthless, etc... I know, ball of pity... Anyway, so I wake up and know they aren't little and I can never ever get that time back. Makes me want to sleep more. Putting the past behind can haunt you, and not just in your dreams. (Current custody case I am fighting for, tooth and nail, for the 11yo).

It's hard to stay in the now.

At least I'm dreaming. I didn't for almost 4 straight months manic & I think it's important.

Have you ever quit smoking on the patch & left it on overnight? Those are dreams I'd not want to revisit. Ugh! Vivid & freaky!

I have always been fascinated by dream interpretation. Lots of books, sites on the Internet.

Thanks for listening to me blather...

In closing, gotta share because I love the song, not narcissistic (or haven't been given that Dx yet haha), for those who care to listen: